Yan Guan's body trembled, but he did not struggle. His tears continued to fall silently, streaming down uncontrollably. He cried without a sound, barely able to stand.
"Are you happy?"
Chao Ge suspected he had misheard, and it took him a moment to realize that Yan Guan was asking him back.
Chao Ge remained silent for a long time. Yan Guan's expression darkened, thinking to himself, ‘How could he be happy? The plague and Bulagan, both had claimed lives. Chao Ge could only do his best. As for me, which ruler would tolerate their possession leaving them?’
"Why are you asking?" Chao Ge seemed to realize something and his expression changed. He took a half step back and let go of him.
Yan Guan turned around. This was probably one of the few times he had directly faced Chao Ge. Tears still stained his face, and Chao Ge, unable to hold back, sighed and raised his hand to wipe them away.
Why?
Yan Guan’s eyelashes quivered slightly, unwilling to answer. "I don’t know..."
Chao Ge gripped his hand, his tone slightly urgent, losing the usual calm, "Speak clearly, Yan Guan."
Yan Guan's open eyes welled up with tears [🥺], but Chao Ge hardened his heart, determined to force out an answer.
For a long time, Chao Ge thought the other wouldn’t respond, when Yan Guan suddenly spoke, "I shouldn’t have asked. I overstepped my boundary." As if waking up from a dream, he tried to pull away from the hands that held him.
Again, it’s like this again! Not a single word acknowledging his feelings, nor did he even dare admit it.
The pent-up rage almost tore him apart, but reason told him that those horrible desires would scare Yan Guan.
Chao Ge gave a bitter smile, "You asked me if I would be happy. Was it to test your importance in my heart? If I said I would be very happy for you to return home, clean and free of guilt, what would you do?"
The hidden thoughts were laid bare, and there was no longer any barrier between them.
Yan Guan was too cautious, but it wasn’t his fault. His parents died when he was young, forcing him to take charge of the household and stand his ground. Then, at such a tender age, he was burdened with a crime, forever disgraced, reduced to a foreign slave. If he hadn’t been so careful, cautious with every step, his life could have been snatched away at any moment.
Chao Ge's love was a burden for him, like a sword constantly hanging over his head. He couldn’t escape it, yet he didn’t know when he had developed a desire to touch it, like licking blood from the tip of the blade.
Yan Guan didn’t want to fall into it— this sweet yet suffocating cage that came at the price of his freedom.
But, Chao Ge said he was happy. Happy, because he was redressed and returning to his hometown.
He wasn’t a cage.
He was the vast forest, capable of calming Yan Guan’s restless, wandering heart.
In that moment Yan Guan closed his eyes, tears rolling down uncontrollably. He saw himself clearly and fully accepted Chao Ge.
“I’m sorry. I won’t push you anymore. If you don’t want to speak, then don’t,” Chao Ge felt a sharp pain seeing the expression on Yan Guan’s face, unable to bear it any longer.
But in the next second, Yan Guan suddenly snapped out of it, throwing his arms around Chao Ge, “Don’t go… I’ll stay with you. I…”
Upon hearing this, Chao Ge’s breath stopped. All the times he had pleaded with the heavens, it turns out there was an answer.
Chao Ge rushed forward, holding Yan Guan tightly as if trying to merge him into his own body, “Since you’ve said it, you can’t take it back. I will rely on you for the rest of my life.”
“Huh?” Yan Guan was a bit confused. What did Chao Ge mean by “rely on you”? Shouldn’t it be him relying on Chao Ge in Liangzhou?
Chao Ge mischievously pinched his cheek, “Whoever wants to be this exhausted, overworked King of Wugan can have it. I'll go to Yangzhou to be a rich and idle man, and be with you every day, like a pair of mandarin ducks.”
Yan Guan thought about Chao Lun, who was busy dealing with the chaos of the Bulagan situation at this very moment, feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Thinking of the instigator of this situation, Yan Guan silently cursed Chao Ge. If he didn't agree now, when he returned to Yangzhou, this person would probably follow him, shamelessly pestering him until he gave in.
Really…
Yan Guan pouted slightly, and Chao Ge immediately realised what he was thinking. With a laugh, he lowered his head and kissed Yan Guan’s lips, “There’s no way I’m letting you go. Even if you think I’m too determined now, there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Yan Guan blushed again, instinctively pushing Chao Ge away and attempting to run outside.
Chao Ge grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back. Yan Guan, unwilling to back down, slapped his hand in protest, “Easy, you’re pinching me too hard… it hurts.”
“No running. You’ll stay here with me for the next few days.” Chao Ge relaxed his grip.
“I know,” came the barely audible reply, as quiet as a mosquito’s hum—he was embarrassed. Chao Ge, satisfied, held him close and kissed him a few more times before finally letting go. When he went outside to call for Daxi, his face was beaming with happiness.
“I’m taking Yan Guan to the Sacred Mountain to escape the heat for a few months. You can stay with Chao Lun in the meantime—he’s been very busy lately.”
Daxi almost rolled his eyes but managed to hold back, reminding him, “My lord, it’s only April—don’t you think it’s a bit early to escape the heat?”
Chao Ge thought to himself, it’s fine, the main thing is that there are too many people here, and if anyone sees or hears something, it could cause trouble.
“Who said the Summer Resort can only be visited in June? Alright, alright, go prepare a few carriages. We’re leaving immediately. Staying around Chao Lun isn’t letting me do much.”
Daxi was taken aback upon hearing this, feeling a bit sad. Was his lord preparing to abdicate? Then what would happen afterward…
“As for your marriage with Cao Du, let’s hold off for a while. We’ve been busy lately. I’ll give you a grand gift when the time comes.”
Pei! ‘There’s no need for you to be so considerate, old man,’ Daxi stormed off angrily.
Chao Ge then turned and went to see the priest, saying he wanted to add Yan Guan’s name to the ancestral records, nearly scaring the seventy- or eighty-year-old priest to death.
The old man flared his nostrils and glared at him, “No way! He’s a man—under what status could his name be added to the ancestral records?”
Chao Ge pondered for a moment and replied, “By rights, it should be under the title of Wangfei (Consort), but since he’s a man, that doesn’t seem appropriate. So, let’s just grant him the title of ‘King of Equal Standing.’ It’s essentially the same thing. But I’d have to trouble you, Priest, to make a special note of this on a separate page.”
The priest was so angry he nearly fainted, firmly refusing.
Chao Ge didn’t understand, “Yan Guan and I are bound by marriage. According to ancestral traditions, we should be hosting a grand wedding banquet and announcing it to the world. But he didn’t want that kind of high profile event, so we let it go. At the very least, his name should be added to the ancestral records. Otherwise, without any official proof, what right does he have to be with me?”
“You still call yourself a wise ruler? How can you casually grant the title of ‘King of Equal Standing’ like that?”
“He won’t actually take on the duties, and he won’t go through with the formal conferral ceremony either. It’s just a title, and he won’t draw any salary. What’s wrong with that?”
Chao Ge couldn’t be bothered to argue with the stubborn old priest any longer. “Give it here,” he said, snatching the registry away.
The priest couldn’t outmatch him in strength, nor could he win in words, left speechless with frustration.
After Chao Ge finished writing, he still didn’t feel fully satisfied. In his view, his relationship with Yan Guan should be something everyone knew about. Otherwise, without any formal recognition, it simply seemed improper.
“Summon the historian,” he ordered.
“You still want to have this recorded in the history books? Future generations will criticize you for this!”
Chao Ge didn’t care. “I think I’ve done pretty well as a ruler. I may not be on par with sage kings like Yao and Shun, but I was tasked with ruling in a time of crisis. If anyone tries to discredit my achievements because of this, it shows they’re short-sighted and narrow-minded. Why should I care about such people?”
When the historian arrived and heard Chao Ge’s instructions, he was stunned.
Chao Ge, impatient with his dumbfounded expression, said, “Just record it as it is. I’m not asking you to do anything special.”
“Yes, yes,” the historian stammered. It was the first time he had encountered a ruler so eager to have his story truthfully documented.
A smile tugged at the corner of Chao Ge’s mouth. “Yan Guan is a man of benevolence and skill. His heart is pure, like a clear spring, and his virtue shines like jade. Both the people of Sangta and I owe him our lives. Soon, I will abdicate in favor of Chao Lun, and thereafter, Yan Guan and I will live a peaceful, leisurely life, no longer involving ourselves in the affairs of state.”
Chao Ge added, “You can record this after it happens, but my mind is made up. There will be no changes.”
"Anyway, make sure you write this down: Yan Guan is not some kind of disastrous villain or treacherous figure, and don’t go comparing me to King Zhou of Shang or Emperor Ming of Tang. What we have is simply mutual affection, a love between ordinary people."
The historian was momentarily stunned, and even the priest beside him had a look of disbelief.
After finishing his words, Chao Ge casually walked off.
The priest sighed. “Let it be. It hasn’t been easy for the ruler all these years.”
The historian muttered in agreement. Who said the Imperial family lacked emotion?
When Chao Ge returned to the Cheng’en Hall, Yan Guan asked what he had been up to. Chao Ge gave a vague response, which only left Yan Guan confused.
"Why go to such lengths…"
Chao Ge pressed Yan Guan back into his seat and said earnestly, “Yan Guan, there’s no point in just talking. Private oaths of eternal love are the most meaningless things. I must let future generations and the whole world know that you are my partner, and not some favored concubine from a scandalous love story. That would not only demean you, but also tarnish the purity of our relationship.”
Yan Guan lowered his head and remained silent. Chao Ge had truly given him a deep sense of security. If it weren’t for Yan Guan’s own reluctance, he would have even held the grand wedding banquet. But with how little he had, how could he ever repay Chao Ge?
T/N:
The raw title of this chapter is “意動 (yì dòng)”, which can be translated to "emotional stir" or "aroused feelings." It suggests a state where one's emotions are moved or stirred, often implying a shift in one's mood or a spark of interest or desire. My MTL gave me two possible translations for the title - “desires stir” or “emotions move”. Instead of either one, I personally think together they fit the chapter better.
That said, this is my fav chapter by far. First, Yan Guan acknowledged Chao Ge’s feelings and accepted them.They are finally, officially, a pair of mandarin ducks. Next, we have Chao Ge making damn sure that no future historians can call Yan Guan his “close brother-roommate”. Also, not him turning Daxi from “#1 Shipper” to “#1 Hater” with just one sentence.
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