The Second Prince’s maternal uncle, currently the man with absolute power in the Ba-Yun Clan, had once been a close friend who fought side by side with Chao Ge.
Chao Ge forced a half-hearted smile, casually raised his cup for a toast, and said, “May the new year bring you good health.”
“I heard the lord plans to head south?”
Chao Ge was growing irritated, as one person after another kept asking about this. “Since you already know, why bother asking?”
In the Wugan language, "Bulagan" means "leopard," and the man himself was indeed both sharp and cunning. “Is the lord in a bad mood?”
Chao Ge’s expression finally shifted slightly. Though he smiled, the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Watch yourself, Bulagan,” he said lazily, though he didn't seem truly angry.
“I’ve overstepped,” Bulagan quickly reined in his expression and retreated without delay. As he turned and left the hall, Chao Ge did not miss the flash of arrogance that crossed his face.
Chao Ge rubbed his brow. This wasn’t the first time Bulagan had tested him - today’s encounter was actually rather routine. They were probing the limits of his tolerance towards the Ba-Yun Clan, using the flimsy excuse of their youthful friendship. But Chao Ge wasn’t a kindhearted man to begin with. How merciful could someone who’d walked through mountains of corpses and seas of blood be? This indifferent attitude of his was nothing but a tactic of warfare—humble yet proud. The Ba-Yun Clan would never let go of the opportunity to interfere with his trip south to Sang Ta. He was waiting for them to make a mistake.
Chao Ge returned to Hui'en Hall, feeling a bit weary. Yan Guan, who had been crouching by the stove, immediately stood upon hearing the footsteps.
Chao Ge's heavy wolf-fur cloak, laden with wind and snow, fluttered as Yan Guan approached to take it. However, Chao Ge gently brushed his hand away. “It’s fine, I’ll do it myself,” he said, walking a few steps ahead, putting some distance between them.
Yan Guan lowered his hand and followed him. Ever since the first night he'd stayed up on watch in Hui'en Hall with the Lord, this routine had become fixed. But when there was a lot of official work, Chao Ge would often dismiss him early. Yan Guan still didn’t quite understand, or rather, he didn’t dare to dwell on the more romantic possibilities. Maybe the Lord just felt too lonely working alone.
Once Chao Ge had settled into his seat, Yan Guan promptly served him tea.
Taking a sip, the slightly bitter tea rolled over Chao Ge’s tongue before leaving a hint of sweetness. Outside, the snow was still falling, and the wind battered the doors and windows, making them creak. Inside the study, this little corner of the world was momentarily warm and peaceful.
Yan Guan noticed Chao Ge slowly setting down his cup and thought, "Could the Lord be drunk?" He had indeed drunk a lot, and his reactions were a bit slower than usual.
“My lord?” Yan Guan couldn’t help but ask, “Shall I pour you more tea? If you’re working on documents tonight, I’ll turn up the oil lamp.”
Chao Ge didn’t respond. Instead, he stared directly at Yan Guan. The intensity of his gaze made Yan Guan uncomfortable, forcing him to lower his head and avoid meeting his eyes. It was fortunate he did so, or he might have been burned by the overwhelming desire in the lord’s eyes.
Chao Ge’s gaze trailed down Yan Guan’s bowed head, resting on a sliver of neck exposed above the dark fur collar. Just half a palm’s width of skin, yet it inexplicably reminded Chao Ge of how Yan Guan’s waist had looked back when he had worn women’s clothing - half-hidden under the veil. Chao Ge felt a heat rise in his throat, though he knew it wasn’t from the tea.
Chao Ge’s Adam’s apple moved slightly as he swallowed. He closed his eyes and said, “Have you ever had Wugan wine? You’ve been here half a year now,” his voice a little hoarse.
“Does mare’s milk wine count?”
Chao Ge chuckled, “Only children drink that,” making Yan Guan’s face flush a little.
Tonight, Chao Ge had drunk too much liquor, and the warmth inside the room seemed to create an atmosphere where indulgence felt permissible. Though Chao Ge was drunk, he knew it wasn’t real drunkenness. But seeing Yan Guan standing before him, so obedient, like a little lamb, he thought maybe he could give it a try.
“Come here,” Chao Ge said, and Yan Guan’s body trembled sharply. He saw the look in Chao Ge’s eyes.
Yan Guan almost wanted to bolt for the door. He cursed himself for being foolish, for ever thinking that Chao Ge treated him with special favor merely because of his insignificant medical skills. The oppressive aura of the king had never felt as intense as it did now. Yan Guan couldn’t move his feet, the same paralyzing fear from that day in court when the judge’s gavel slammed down seemed to return, sending shivers through him.
Yan Guan stood there, frozen.
Chao Ge realized the little lamb had disappeared, and now before him was someone covered in icy thorns. His excitement instantly deflated, like he was conceding, “Don’t be afraid of me. I just want… to hug you, that’s all.”
Yan Guan still didn’t move. Chao Ge couldn’t fully conceal the frightening possessiveness he harbored. Even if it was only for a moment, Yan Guan feared he might be torn apart and devoured.
Suddenly, Chao Ge reached out, pulling Yan Guan into his arms with one swift motion. “It’s just a hug, can’t even do that?”
Yan Guan froze in place, shocked to hear the tone in Chao Ge’s voice, which almost sounded aggrieved. Chao Ge didn’t make any other moves, merely holding him, his arms wrapped around Yan Guan’s shoulders and waist.
“Tomorrow I’ll be leaving for the south. Someone from Yongning Hall will come to take you back,” Chao Ge said.
Yan Guan was left speechless, but Chao Ge continued speaking, as if talking to himself, “Just stay quietly in Yongning Hall. Don’t stand out, don’t let anyone notice you. If you can stay safe...”
Chao Ge’s words were disjointed, but miraculously, Yan Guan understood. He never imagined that one day he would become the King’s Achilles' heel. These words seemed to be spoken to him, but in truth, Chao Ge was saying them for his own benefit. He didn’t want anyone to notice his special feelings for Yan Guan, nor did he want Yan Guan to be hurt because of them, or for himself to be restrained by them.
The shadow of the prophecy made by the oracle lingered, refusing to fade. Chao Ge furrowed his brows deeply and tightened his hold on Yan Guan, burying his face in the crook of his neck. The warm breath tickled Yan Guan, who instinctively turned his head to the side.
Unexpectedly, Chao Ge reacted as if he had been provoked. His hand, which had been resting on Yan Guan’s waist, suddenly gripped the back of his head, pulling him back into place. Yan Guan’s pupils contracted as their noses brushed against each other.
Chao Ge rarely desired anything. The throne and power were never his ambitions, and he had no particular preferences in food or clothing. People said their ruler was easygoing, but in reality, people like him were the hardest to deal with. Because once he did want something, he would fixate on it, never letting go.
After all, right now, all he wanted was Yan Guan. He desired so little—couldn’t he be satisfied just this once?
Chao Ge, thinking like this, suddenly moved his legs and jolted Yan Guan.
Yan Guan's body swayed, and before he could react, the light before his eyes dimmed.
Chao Ge kissed him fiercely, with no technique, driven purely by feeling. It was rough, domineering, and rude, making Yan Guan feel as if he was meeting this man for the first time. Chao Ge sucked on his lips, prying open his teeth with his tongue in an overbearing invasion. Yan Guan trembled with shock but had no room to retreat. The gap in their strength was vast; Chao Ge’s muscular arms, taut with passion, left no escape.
Chao Ge felt a surge of sparks light up his nerves. He had fantasized about being physically intimate with Yan Guan more than once, but he hadn’t known that even something as simple as kissing could make him so addicted—like tasting something so good he couldn’t stop. He held on tightly, like a wolf clamping down on its prey, refusing to let go.
Yan Guan felt pain from the kiss, letting out a muffled whimper. Chao Ge loosened his grip slightly, but his invasion only intensified. His tongue swept through Yan Guan's mouth, still unsatisfied even after a full exploration. Chao Ge pinched Yan Guan's face, reluctantly pulling away. As he withdrew, a silver thread of saliva connected them, and Chao Ge casually wiped it away with his thumb, his eyes glued to Yan Guan's face.
Yan Guan’s face flushed a deep red, most likely from anger, and he couldn't even manage a word.
After a long pause, Yan Guan spoke, “Your Highness is drunk. You should rest early.” His tone was distant, making Chao Ge both frustrated and helpless.
The boy’s face still had a youthful innocence to it, his lips swollen from the kiss, and his complexion pale and soft. No matter how he looked, it was a face that evoked pity and tenderness. Yet, in reality, he was fiercely stubborn. Otherwise, how could he have survived the thousands of miles to make it here to Wugan?
Chao Ge knew he had made a mistake, but only a coward would blame his loss of control on strong wine. The truth was, he wanted this too much. The road ahead was uncertain, and he feared he might never see Yan Guan again. Let him be hated, let him be despised—Chao Ge thought. At least with tonight's false warmth, he could be happy for a while.
“Yan Guan,” Chao Ge released him but grabbed hold of his sleeve. “You can hate me, but please don’t despise me.”
Yan Guan froze, lowering his eyes. “How dare I harbor resentment? Both thunder and rain are bestowed by Your Highness. Your grace in allowing this humble servant to serve you is already a great favor.”
Chao Ge felt a sharp pang in his heart. The image of Yan Guan learning to braid his hair, holding a cat, secretly eating snacks—these fragments of memory felt painfully disconnected from the person standing before him now, who called himself nothing but a humble servant. Given his age, liveliness should have been natural, but with what he had gone through, being reserved had become his only path to maturity.
The words were polite and grandiose, but Chao Ge knew that once the surface was torn away, the crude desires underneath were something Yan Guan couldn’t bear to face.
Footnotes:
“Let even an affectionate Goliath get himself tied to a small tender thing, dreading to hurt it by pulling, and dreading still more to snap the cord, and which of the two, pray, will be master?”
― George Eliot, Silas Marner
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