Gu Da was startled by the mess in the room as soon as he entered the door. He asked Mu Zhengqing who was sitting on the sofa, taking out his phone to call the police.
“No thief. Don’t say anything yet,” Mu Zhengqing frowned, looking like he was pondering the origins of the universe.
Upon hearing that there was no thief, Gu Da finally breathed a sigh of relief.
If there had been a thief, the loss of things wouldn’t have been a big deal. The real problem would be if someone found out that the stolen items belonged to Mu Zhengqing. After all, who would imagine that the top idol, hailed by fans as the "noble prince," was máo róng kòng, secretly obsessed with all things furry.(1)
Even after Gu Da quietly put everything back in its place, Mu Zhengqing hadn’t moved a muscle.
“What are you thinking about, so deep in thought?” Gu Da couldn’t help but ask.
“My major life decision,” Mu Zhengqing said with a serious expression.
“You’re having a child?!” Gu Da exclaimed in shock.
Mu Zhengqing didn’t respond, instead looking at him like he was an idiot.
Gu Da then realized what he had just said. But he couldn’t really blame himself for thinking about kids—there had been so much buzz in the entertainment industry lately. One celebrity had a child today, another one had a kid tomorrow. It was pure reflex to wonder if his own artist might suddenly spring a surprise baby on him.
But then he remembered his artist’s sexual orientation. A child? There was no way—there could never be a child. Not in this lifetime.
Ah, what a waste of such good genes.
“Ahem, what’s this ‘major life decision’ you’re talking about?” Gu Da asked, trying to change the subject.
“My marriage certificate is missing,” Mu Zhengqing replied uncertainly.
“What? Your marriage certificate is missing? Did you look properly? Are you sure you didn’t miss it? I’ll help you look again.”
As soon as he heard that Mu Zhengqing’s marriage certificate was missing, Gu Da turned into an ant on a hot pan, pacing anxiously around the room.(2)
“Stop pacing. You’re giving me a headache,” Mu Zhengqing said, somewhat helplessly.
“I don’t want to pace either, but I can’t control it! Do you realize what would happen if someone else found your marriage certificate?” Gu Da scolded as if the sky was falling.
“I know. Don’t worry, no one will find it. I guarantee it’s still in this house. It’s just that I don’t know where,” Mu Zhengqing stated with confidence.
He was sure the marriage certificate was still somewhere in the house. After all, he no longer needed to show the certificate to others to prove he was married.
But despite searching the entire house, he couldn’t find a trace of it.
“That’s good, now I can relax. By the way, what made you think of looking for your marriage certificate? Has someone been bothering you again?” Gu Da asked, ready for battle at any moment.
Don’t be fooled by his anxious demeanour right now; that’s only because the person in front of him is Mu Zhengqing. After years of navigating the entertainment industry, Gu Da was no longer the kind of agent who needed his own artist to protect him. He was now fully capable of protecting his artists.
“I’m planning to get a divorce.”
After Mu Zhengqing finished speaking, he covered his ears with two small monster plushies. But the loud reaction he expected didn’t come. Instead, Gu Da remained calm upon hearing the news of the divorce.
“I said I’m planning to get a divorce.” Mu Zhengqing, thinking Gu Da hadn’t heard him clearly, repeated the statement slowly and emphatically.
“If you want a divorce, then get one. Just don’t regret it afterward. Finding someone like Lu Yiwei for a second marriage won’t be easy,” Gu Da stated calmly.
What Mu Zhengqing didn’t know was that Gu Da had come specifically to talk to him about this.
When Mu Zhengqing and Lu Yiwei got married, it was because they both needed a marriage certificate as a shield. But now that their status in the entertainment industry had changed drastically, the marriage certificate had turned into a ticking time bomb.
If they didn’t defuse this bomb in time, there’s no telling when it might explode and blow everything away.
“Who said anything about a second marriage? Having all these treasures to keep me company is more than enough,” Mu Zhengqing lazily said, lying in a sea of plush toys.
Although he had no plans for a second marriage, he agreed with what his agent said. It was unlikely he’d find someone as attractive as Lu Yiwei again. After all, he was voted the second “most handsome face” by fans.
Of course, Mu Zhengqing wasn’t bad-looking either—he was just the top “most handsome face”, no big deal.
He had originally planned to schedule a time with Lu Yiwei to finalize the divorce. But since his marriage certificate had gone missing, they would need to reissue it first.
However, he had just checked online and found that after reissuing the marriage certificate, they could directly proceed with the divorce. It wouldn’t take much time at all.
Since he was on vacation and had plenty of free time, the only question was whether Lu Yiwei, who had just been linked to a romantic relationship, was available.
Divorce was a major event, after all, so Mu Zhengqing decided to call Lu Yiwei to discuss it.
After dialling, there was no answer for a while, and the call was eventually cut off. However, before Mu Zhengqing could move the phone away from his ear, Lu Yiwei called him back.
“Sorry, I was filming just now. Is something wrong?” Lu Yiwei’s slightly breathless voice came through the phone.
Hearing his voice, Mu Zhengqing guessed he must be occupied, so he tentatively asked, “Are you busy? If you are, we can talk after you’re done.”
“Not busy. Actually, if you hadn’t called me, I was planning to call you,” Lu Yiwei replied.
“You were going to call me?” Mu Zhengqing asked with a hint of anticipation.
Don't misunderstand, it’s not that he was looking forward to Lu Yiwei contacting him, but rather looking forward to the reason why Lu Yiwei wanted to contact him.
If he remembered correctly, this was actually their first phone call. Before this, no matter what happened, they had always communicated via WeChat. But as soon as the news about the relationship broke, he had something to talk to him about. What else could it be other than divorce?
Isn’t this just like someone handing you a pillow right when you’re about to sleep?(3)
Of course, Mu Zhengqing didn’t approve of Lu Yiwei’s actions—starting a relationship with someone else before even divorcing him. Although the two of them were only married in name(4), it was enough for Mu Zhengqing’s opinion of Lu Yiwei to plummet.
Unless Lu Yiwei had explained their situation to the other party. Otherwise, he was definitely a scumbag.
This was exactly why Mu Zhengqing had suddenly decided to get a divorce.
“Yes. This time it’s my fault for not realizing the other party’s intentions earlier. I’ve already contacted the company to clear up the rumours. The company will issue a statement on Weibo soon, so don’t overthink it,” Lu Yiwei explained.
“I… I didn’t overthink it,” Mu Zhengqing replied guiltily.
In fact, he had overthought it—he had thought about it a lot. After all, in his mind, Lu Yiwei was just one step away from being a full-fledged scumbag.
“Good, as long as you didn’t. So, what did you want to talk to me about?”
Because things were quite noisy on his side, Lu Yiwei hadn’t noticed Mu Zhengqing’s guilty tone.
“I lost the marriage certificate. Do you have time to go with me to get a replacement?” Mu Zhengqing asked, uncertainly.
He wasn’t sure if Lu Yiwei would have time, because in just the short time they’d been on the phone, he had already heard people calling for Lu Yiwei several times.
“How about the day after tomorrow? I’ll have time then,” Lu Yiwei said after thinking for a moment.
“Okay, after we get the replacement certificate…”
Before Mu Zhengqing could finish his sentence, Director Chen’s voice came through from Lu Yiwei’s side, startling him into swallowing his words.
He had seen Director Chen’s temper before—he didn’t care about anyone’s face or relationships, and when he cursed someone out, it was like he didn’t even recognize his own family.
Hearing that Director Chen had personally come over to rush him, Mu Zhengqing felt a moment of pity for Lu Yiwei.
“I’ll get back to work now. We’ll talk about the rest when we meet,” Lu Yiwei simply said, as Mu Zhengqing had expected, and hung up.
“He hung up? Just like that?” Gu Da asked uncertainly after seeing Mu Zhengqing put down the phone.
“What, do you want to hear Director Chen scolding someone?” Mu Zhengqing asked, looking at Gu Da.
“No, definitely not! It’s just that I heard you didn’t mention the divorce, and I’m worried something unexpected might happen,” Gu Da said, shaking his head like a rattle drum.
Not only had Mu Zhengqing experienced Director Chen's temper, but so had Gudá. Gudá was sure that if it weren't for Director Chen’s capabilities, he would be stuffed in a sack and beaten everyday. Wonder how a respected and famous director could have such a sharp tongue!
"What could go wrong? Do you really think Lu Yiwei will refuse to divorce me?" Mu Zhengqing asked, entirely unconcerned.
"No, not at all," Gudá responded without hesitation.
You can’t blame him for answering so quickly. Back when the two first got married, he had been worried that they might one day end up turning their fake marriage into a real one.
After all, with their looks, it wouldn’t be surprising if they found each other attractive.
But time had proven that workaholics only have work in their hearts. Falling in love would only slow down their rise to fame. Fake marriage turning real? No way!
"Since there's nothing to worry about, what else are you stressing over? I haven’t had a proper rest in years. Can you stop disturbing my hard-earned vacation?" Mu Zhengqing dismissed him after their business was concluded.
"Actually, there are plenty of ways to rest. Taking part in an easy variety show is a great option," Gudá tried to brainwash Mu Zhengqing again.
Although he had tried brainwashing Mu Zhengqing countless times, each attempt ended in failure. By now, Mu Zhengqing had perfected the art of automatically tuning him out.
"Even though you're very popular now, your fans are saying that you're too distant and unreachable. They feel you’ll float away if they’re not careful. You need to come down from your pedestal. Participating in variety shows is the perfect way..." Gudá tried for half an hour, earnestly advising him. But Mu Zhengqing didn’t even give him a glance.
Seeing that there was no hope, Gudá stopped wasting his breath. After reminding Mu Zhengqing to contact him if anything came up, he left.
The moment Gudá left, Mu Zhengqing eagerly buried his head in his plush toy. It felt so comfortable.
After lunch, Mu Zhengqing saw the clarification post from Lu Yiwei's company on Weibo.
The main point was that Lu Yiwei and the little flower(5) were merely acquaintances, not close, and definitely not romantically involved. The company asked the melon eaters to be reasonable in how they digested the gossip.
Ah, the cons of being married. Every time they had to clarify a rumour, they couldn’t just outright say they were single.
Compared to him, though, Lu Yiwei was very well-behaved. Ever since they got married, this was the first time Lu Yiwei had ever been involved in a scandal, which is why Mu Zhengqing had believed it so easily.
Of course, he himself was also very well-behaved, but because of his identity as an idol, people were constantly trying to touch porcelain.(6)
Sometimes, he felt like he was just a bumper car, and anyone could come and bump him.
Footnotes:
毛絨控 (máo róng kòng) – plushie fanatic, someone obsessed with furry things.
熱鍋上的螞蟻 (rè guō shàng de mǎ yǐ) – an ant on a hot pan.
這不就是剛要睡覺就有人給遞枕頭麽 (Zhè bù jiù shì gāng yào shuìjiào jiù yǒu rén gěi dì zhěntou me) – someone handing you a pillow right when you’re about to sleep; the idea of something happening with perfect timing or being very convenient, often with a hint of irony.
婚姻之名沒有婚姻之實 (hūn yīn zhī míng méi yǒu hūn yīn zhī shí) – in name only, but not in reality.
當紅小花 (dāng hóng xiǎo huā) – literally "little flower," a term often used to refer to young, popular actresses.
碰瓷 (pèng cí) – touch porcelain. To create a scandal or stir up trouble by intentionally seeking attention or falsely accusing someone, typically for personal gain.
[T/N: it comes from an ancient type of a scam where the porcelain traders would put their broken, defective pieces on display and when a customer touched that piece or found it broken, they would claim it was the customer who broke it, forcing them to pay compensation]
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